I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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