Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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