Farmville is her only friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
