I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
