3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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