Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
