I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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