Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
