Cold hands, warm shart.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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