everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
