I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
