he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
