dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
