Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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