I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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