Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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