nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
