Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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