Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
