You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
