i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
