Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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