Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
