I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
