great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
