weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
