his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
