so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
