Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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