i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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