if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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