I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
