can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
