Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
