After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
