id be glad to
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ttyl tear gas
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
