guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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