it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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