Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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