You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
