Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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