You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
