The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
