you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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