My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
