and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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