oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
