I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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