Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
