And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
40s are totally the cure
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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