But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
