i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
