I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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