Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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