I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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