I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
