i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
