Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i came on her dog
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
