I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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