3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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