I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
