Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
