i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
