Can i not drive my cunt home
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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