yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
