I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
