I didn't shave. On purpose
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
