Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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