I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
