Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
