something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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