I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
