mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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