just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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