I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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