i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
