Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
