yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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